Exercise: To experience the full effect of personal space, stand up and move in front of another student in your class.  Tell this student about the classes you are preparing to take next semester.  After a sentence or two, take a step closer to the student.  After another sentence or two, take another step closer to the student.  Sit down and share the physical sensations the two of you experienced when someone stepped into another’s “personal space.”

 

“Personal space” is the circumference around us that we hold as our safe space, and the distance we find comfortable in this zone varies depending on our relationship with the other person.  When we are in conversation with someone who is a fellow classmate or an acquaintance, we may distance ourselves from that person by about thirty-six inches.  If someone is a close boyfriend or girlfriend, a parent or sibling, we may allow the person to move closer to us, maybe within twelve inches and feel comfortable with that closeness.  Remember that when people are upset or arguing, the natural tendency is to move closer to that person and even gesture in the person’s face by pointing a finger, or tapping the chest of another person with a finger.  During a time of conflict, it is better to take a step back from the person and allow room between the two of you. Be sensitive of gesturing at the person, too.  Allowing for room and plenty of personal space during a confrontation is the first point of action to take during an argument. 

Exercise: Watch the video below, an excerpt from the sitcom “The Office,” and highlight some of the issues that stem from having conflicts with people at school, home, or work that aren’t resolved.  The video is funny, but truths are buried within the humorous scenes. What truths can you list?  

~ Define the conflict or problem. Make sure that everyone involved understands the real conflict or problem.  Sometimes people involved in an argument hold different perspectives of the actual problem.  A student caught cheating on an exam may believe the parent is upset because the child was caught, when parent is upset about the cheating, not about getting caught.

 

~ Listen to all perspectives.  Even after the problem is defined, people involved in arguments still fail to understand the relevance of another person’s perspective if it differs from their own.  Listen to the other person’s feelings and thoughts.  Be empathetic and try to view the problem from another point of view.

 

~ Let the angry person vent.   Sometimes an angry person just needs to get the anger out in the open, so we have to let the argument get worse before we can work at solving a problem.  Allowing the person to have a say without reacting to it in any way, often diffuses the situation.  Anger feeds anger, but if the person on the receiving end of the yelling refuses to become angry in return, the person yelling will eventually run out of steam.  After a time, real discussion of the underlying problem can take place.

 

~Be a good listener and listen to the underlying problem.  Often someone we love becomes upset with us and lashes out in anger.  The subject of the person’s anger may only be trigger for a deeper problem.  It is important to listen closely to the request a person may be making underneath the actual attack.  It may have little to do with the topic that started the argument.

 

~ Find the facts and do research. Too many arguments are based on false assumptions or erroneous facts.  A mother is upset with a daughter for missing piano lesson, but the mother failed to listen to the daughter’s explanation that she had a report due in biology and needed to work at the library instead of attending her lesson. A father charges at his son caught cheating before he hears his son’s version.  The son thought the test was open notes; otherwise, he would not have been filing through his papers during the exam. Be sure the facts are clearly established before beginning a discussion.

 

~ Find a compromise.  In this world few of us get to have things our way 100% of the time.  Instead, it is important to state the terms that are non-negotiable, the items that you can concede, and work toward a win-win solution for everyone. 

 

~ Ask for the other person’s ideas or solutions.  A sometimes simple beginning in an argument is to ask, how can we fix this?  The question focuses on solutions instead of problems, and possible solutions should be the focus of the conversation.

 

~ Move to common ground and make peace. Sometimes an argument requires everyone to step away from the hot issues and return to the topics they do agree upon.  For instance, when a father and son are fighting about curfew hours, the son is determined to stay out late and the father is determined to keep to the agreed curfew. Neither is going to influence the other without some bargaining tools.  The son who wants to stay out 2 hours past curfew because it’s prom night might open by talking about the chores the son has agreed to do for the father.  If the son offers to mow the lawn on Saturday even though it isn’t his chore, the father may be willing to concede and let the son stay out an hour or two past curfew this one time.

 

 ~ Call in the reserves! When a crisis occurs in a community, law enforcement often calls in reserves to help them handle the crisis.   We can do the same, especially with family conflicts.  Asking an objective person to listen to the argument and mediate can bring about peaceful resolution to situations, helping two parties come to common ground when the people involved can’t seem to find neutral territory.  Having someone mediate during an argument allows for compromise to occur.

 

~ Cherish those people dear to you.  Often in heated arguments, we say something hurtful to people we love and we can never take it back.  Don’t allow hurtful comments to slip out without thinking.  When angry, take a deep breath, count to ten, and remind yourself of the long-term commitment you have to this relationship with a parent or sibling.  Two brothers will be brothers forever, but the girl these boys are fighting about may only be a friend for a short time.

Learn More about Conflict Resolution Techniques . . . . (view the video below for additional tips)  

This exercise contains two scenarios, one that is a crisis of ethics and friendship, and another that is a conflict between parent and child.  Using the tips listed above, work through the steps of critical thinking to solve the problems in the scenario.  Your instructor may have you do these as group exercises or individually, or you may practice them on your own to apply the new techniques. 

 Conflict Resolution & Problem Solving

Scenario A

 In the space provided, note key processes used in critical thinking that you perform well and those that need improving.

 

             My Strong Problem-Solving Processes                                        My Weak Problem-Solving Processes                                                   

As a group, work through the steps of the critical thinking process to arrive at some possible solutions.  Consider conflict resolution tips to help you get George to agree with you.

 

Scenario: Your friend George has just asked you to help him cheat on a final exam worth 50% of the grade in Introduction to Psychology, and he has devised a way you can send him the answers via text message on a phone because his professor doesn’t pay attention to students while they are taking exams.  You have been taking the course together, and George attended classes during the first half of the semester, making a “C” on the midterm.  George became discouraged because of the low grade and because of some personal family issues and emergencies, causing his attendance to fall dramatically during the last half of the semester.  It is Week 14 of the semester and George is sure to fail the course unless there is some intervention on your part.  The test is in 3 weeks.  Resolve the problem and construct a process to disclose your plan to your friend.

 

 

STAGES OF PROBLEM-SOLVING

1.      Define the Problem. State the problem in concrete terms, listing separate parts of the problem that need resolution.  Problem: __________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________

2.      Brainstorm.  In the space below, put down all your ideas no matter how silly they might seem.  Exclude nothing.  At this point in problem-solving, you just want to list all your ideas. Do this for 5 minutes. Focus all of your attention on solutions for the problem and don’t allow yourself to be distracted with other problems or interruptions.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

 

3.      Analyze. Now choose two or three ideas from your brainstorming exercise that sound like the best solutions.  Look at the long term effects of each.  Map out a plan for two of the best ones, describing each step of action involved and considering all the consequences that might occur if you choose this method as your solution.

 

LIST IDEA #	LIST IMPACTS (Positive and Negative)

 

(As a group, examine your list of impacts, both positive and negative, and choose the two best plans to solve the conflict. 

 

4.      Evaluate and Make Decision. Map a plan for at least two of the possible solutions, examine the strengths and weaknesses of each plan, making a list of pros and cons if necessary. 

 

Map of Plan A (Include Target Dates)	Long-Term Consequences
Map of Plan B (Include Target Dates)	Long-Term Consequences

Note: As students present final decisions to the class, classmates should think about any unforeseen consequences that might occur with the group’s plan, reinforcing the importance of examining solutions from beginning to end before selecting a final action plan.

 

5.      Take Action. To create an action plan, construct steps and treat each one as a goal, establishing a measurable outcome and a deadline for each part of the process. Monitor and modify during each step.

 

 Conflict Resolution & Problem Solving

Scenario B

 In the space provided, note key processes you use to resolve conflicts and ones you don’t use.  

 

                 My Strong Problem-Solving Processes                                   My Weak Problem-Solving Processes                                                

 

As a group, work through the steps of the critical thinking process to arrive at some possible solutions.  Consider conflict resolution tips to help you get George to agree with you.

 

Scenario:  You come in from a hard day’s work at 5:00 p.m. and see that the breakfast dishes are still in the sink, the trash is running over, and the animals haven’t been fed.  These are your son’s chores.  Your child is watching TV, despite the fact that you’ve told him twice in the last week that television is off limits until chores are done. You march into the living room and shut off the television. 

“I was watching that!” Your son immediately erupts and turns the TV on again.

            “Your chores aren’t done.  Go to your room.  You’re grounded from TV for two weeks,” you yell as you turn off the TV.  You grab your son by the collar and force him to stand up to face you at eye level.   “I’ve told you twice what the rules are, and you continue to ignore them!”

            “The program is only on for 5 more minutes.  It’s my favorite show. I was going to do all that work after this show! I needed a break before I did my chores! I work hard at school!”  You son wrenches out of your grasp and pushes away.

            “Go to your room. NOW!” You scream at your child and point down the hallway. 

 

STAGES OF PROBLEM-SOLVING

1.         Define the Problem. State the problem in concrete terms, listing separate parts of the problem that need resolution.  Problem:

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

2.         Brainstorm.  In the space below, put down all your ideas no matter how silly they might seem.  Exclude nothing.  At this point in problem-solving, you just want to list all your ideas. Do this for 5 minutes. Focus all of your attention on solutions for the problem and don’t allow yourself to be distracted with other problems or interruptions.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

 

3.      Analyze. Now choose two or three ideas from your brainstorming exercise that sound like the best solutions.  Look at the long term effects of each.  Map out a plan for two of the best ones, describing each step of action involved and considering all the consequences that might occur if you choose this method as your solution.

 

LIST IDEA #	LIST IMPACTS (Positive and Negative)

 

(As a group, examine your list of impacts, both positive and negative, and choose the two best plans to solve the conflict. 

4.          Evaluate and Make Decision. Map a plan for at least two of the possible solutions, examine the strengths and weaknesses of each plan, making a list of pros and cons if necessary. 

 

Map of Plan A (Include Target Dates)	Long-Term Consequences
Map of Plan B (Include Target Dates)	Long-Term Consequences

Note: As students present final decisions to the class, classmates should think about any unforeseen consequences that might occur with the group’s plan, reinforcing the importance of examining solutions from beginning to end before selecting a final action plan

5.       Take Action. To create an action plan, construct steps and treat each one as a goal, establishing a measurable outcome and a deadline for each step.  Monitor and modify during each step.